$27.99
You can't have your cake and eat it too. Or, in our case, your [allegedly] unlicensed establishment that was [allegedly] serving unlawfully and have it go on for more than a few months. The shit parade that was the Wet House was fun while it lasted, but like any good story, there had to be a tragic ending. I guess it was less tragic, and more inevitable, the irony being the event that got hit was our so-called "Victory Lap". If you were there, you know what happened so we'll save the details (FOIA means you can probably grab the police report).
So, here's our attempt at dodging the bullet we elegantly jumped right in front of. Per usual we are broke as shit, and are going to be retaining lawyers for this little tango with the finest court in the land and are sourcing your support on this one. Buy a shirt, keep us out of jail, and get in to one of our upcoming events free, or every event free as long as you're wearing the shirt. You scratch our back, we'll scratch yours, but there are no contact visits in Wayne County Jail, so we'll need you to buy this shirt in order to scratch your back.
We're not saying we're evil, well, yeah we are, but from societies standpoint the fucked up police in this city are considered "good", so, we'll be evil. We all know the real score on that one, but people would probably think you were some tree hugger if you walked around wearing a shirt that said "Good Always Wins" and conveying positive messages really isn't our thing/doesn't move product.
The print on the back is the rallying cry of our generation, LEGALIZE IT. If we beat this rap, we'll essentially become invincible & immortal and will start throwing parties at the Manoogian just to flaunt, sans stripper murders (maybe). This back print is also optional, you're giving us money so we won't sell your ass out and make you our big ole billboard unless you want us to, so if you hate us, let us know that you'd like just the front printed and we'll try not to fuck that up.
If you're interested, here are the charges we're facing:
7 counts of serving to minors
1 count operating without a business permit in the city of Detroit
2 counts of sorcery
326 counts of having a fun time
4 counts of general falconry.
Ok so the last 3 might be a little exaggerated but whatever, we were accused of them.
We're doing one run of these, 50 in total, and will never make them again, so once they're sold out, they're sold out forever. We're trying to figure out how to mix our blood in the ink for you.
Thanks. If you skipped all that, all proceeds from this shirt go to attorney fees to keep our asses clear of some silly little law we allegedly broke 9 times. We'll send you an autograph too with the shirt, and a certificate of authentishitty.
FREE SHIPPING ON THIS FOR YOU ASSHOLES.